You see your daughter’s number on the caller ID and you happily reach for the phone. She is a busy college student, and the calls are not as frequent as they were in her freshman year. After you say hello, there is a pause. Then she says, “Mom, are you sitting down?” Your mother’s intuition kicks in and you immediately know this is not going to be a good phone call. You tell yourself, “Get a grip. She says, “Mom, I’m pregnant.”
She is pregnant! You are shocked. Instinctively, you know that your first response will have a significant impact on your future relationship with your daughter. You pray frantically for the right words to say, and tell yourself, “Stay calm. Do not cry.”
A million thoughts race through your head and you feel like you are falling through space. You have random thoughts and flashbacks to memories of childhood…dance recitals, Christmas plays, and tea parties. Your daughter was supposed to live happily ever after. You are supposed to be a bright and shining example of a Christian family.
This isn’t a hypothetical situation. This happened to me, and when it did, I didn’t feel prepared to deal with it at all. I had spent almost every Sunday of my life in church, but nothing had prepared me for that phone call. I hadn’t heard any moms in Bible study talking about their daughters’ unplanned pregnancies. What in the world could I say to her? It was my relationship with Christ that guided me in those moments; there was a tiny thread of Divine DNA in me, and I instinctively knew what to say.
I assured her that I loved her – no matter what.
I told her that her dad and I were standing by to help in whatever way we could.
I admitted that it was not our plan for her life, but I trusted God.
I promised her that we would get through this together.
In the months ahead, there were rocky times, but we did get through it together. I was fortunate enough to be associated with a local pregnancy center where there were people who understood. It wasn’t easy, but we are all stronger in our faith as a result of watching God work. The beautiful outcome was a granddaughter with big blue eyes and curly blond hair who thinks her Grandma and Grandpa hung the moon!
If you or someone you know is raising daughters, read the Focus on the Family brochure, She’s Pregnant, Now What? and learn how to talk openly and honestly about unplanned pregnancy. For further reading, get the book, Mother Are You Sitting Down? by Lisa Baker and her daughter Jaime Baker Lowery.
Hope Women’s Centers in Broward County can help you get through a difficult situation. We can help your daughter, and we can listen to your concerns. If you live outside Broward, visit Pregnancy Decision Line to find a faith-based pregnancy help center near you.
Nancy McDonald has been the President/CEO of Hope Women’s Centers in Broward County, Florida since 2002. Her daughter experienced an unplanned pregnancy 11 years ago.